I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
