well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
