i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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