i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
