Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If I die, sorry about rent.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
