She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
