My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
