Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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