You're my little dorito
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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