Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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