I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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