I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
