I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
