I wish I could punch you in the face.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
