you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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