If that was your dad, he is hot
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
