was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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