Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
