Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize