Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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