My cat gives me a boner
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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