so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
