Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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