Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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