I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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