There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
