Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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