Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
