She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
