He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
