remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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