News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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