i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
