"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I checked into jail on foursquare
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
