Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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