I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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