Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Randomize
