Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
