I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
