I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
