The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
