I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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