I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
