and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
