Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
