Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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