I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize