he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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