Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
