Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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