well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
