Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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