you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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