Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize