she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
