When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
