Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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