1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
