I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
