The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
