i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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