OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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