Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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