I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
