So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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