Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize