she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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