i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize