I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
