You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
