Midget sex pt 2 tonight
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
