Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
