I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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