I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
