Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
